|I'm excited for when I have a boyfriend and we can play picture games together
||[Jul. 27th, 2008|02:25 am]
I've spent a lot of this summer working and looking forward to certain events that seem like they'll give me a break or perspective on the summer and work i've been doing. They come, then go, and are usually too short, a sip of water when I really want to chug the whole bottle. It's okay, but I can't help but feel a little stir crazy, it's seeping through the cracks of my room and shakes the air, agitating all who are attune to the vibrations.
Frank told me that even the street lights sound bored with their buzzings. Their steady hum (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) reflects the stagnant nature of the insanity, left sweltering in the heat. We might just explode.
People are coming and going, the dynamic changes each week. It's kind of lonely here, but good to be home, wonderful to have a loving family, and I'm happy that I'm not dead. Still, I feel consistent yet restless, and I would like to stop feeling like I'm waiting and instead be happy that I'm doing.
I am getting more and more into the idea of painting dead animals. Dead deer, roadkill, in headlights, covering the walls. Piles of deer on the side of a road as a car drives past. Massacres, due to accidents. Deer smashed through the window of the William Sonoma uptown, as the display window behind cheerily blurbs out "Now that I found love, what else do I need?" It's a start, thoughts about nature and being outside of your element. Nature outside of its element, Alienation. After that we'll see where it goes.
I'm taking next year off and I think it's a good decision. come September I'll be moving to Brooklyn, then in January I'm off to Hawaii. These are two of the events that I'm looking forward too, and I think it'll be good to be living free from school and family and pretty much all other familiar ties, as comforting and wonderful as they are. Maybe it'll make it more refreshing, more exciting to go back to school a year from now. Maybe not. Either way, I think it's a good way to spend my time, and hopefully it'll help remedy my belief that my aspirations in life are petty ( i just want to illustrate children's books) and I don't actually have to be someone that helps save the world from horrible destruction and imminent disaster and horror due to overpopulation and constant pollution. Actually, I only feel that way when I'm in a shitty mood, which I'm not right now. And that's not really the point or what I feel like talking or thinking about. Life really is very amazing and interesting, And basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm really excited to be doing and living and with such opportunities. I have no idea really what to expect in the next year, but I'm excited to see what happens.